Nino’s Cozinha – Plastic Portugese

My wife and I fancied a quick bite out for lunch so we thought we would try one of the restaurants in the QRE tower which is very close to where we live. I picked Nino’s Cozhina for no other reason than I guessed it was Portugese and that sounded just the ticket at the time.

As the lift door opens you are immediately thrust into the dining room. There is no entrance way as such. I am sure this is as off-putting to diners as it was to us. At first glance the restaurant looks very posh, or fine-dining. We thought this might be a bit much for a quick lunch but we took a look at the menus just to be sure and the price of the set lunches (from $118 to $128) seemed very reasonable, and the food sounded attractive. We decided to go for it.

After being seated things started going a bit weird.

At first we shared the menu that they gave us to check at the door. We both had chosen what we wanted but while I was looking at the set lunch list to be sure, my wife asked for another menu. The set lunch menu they gave her was completely different. At this point we were not sure which one was correct which caused some confusion.

Once we knew we had the correct menus, we double checked and then ordered. I ordered the pork medallions with roast potatoes and vegetables, and my wife ordered the pan-fried sole with cabbage and spaghetti.

We assume the food would be quite quick because the restaurant was only 20 per cent full.

The pumpkin soup starter came in seconds and was okay, if a little watery. The pepper grinder seemed to produce pre-ground pepper powder rather than what you would expect from a normal grinder. It might well have been a fake grinder.

It was after finishing the soups and looking around the restaurant that we noticed something interesting. The food was brought out of the kitchen by the dish washer. She would stand by the table waiting for a waiter to take the plate out of her hand and put it on the table. This is much more reminiscent of a local Chinese restaurant rather than anything approaching fine dining and it was  becoming clear that the initial impression the place gave upon entrance was not really the truth.

My food arrived first. In fact, it was on a tray with another table’s food. I then spent 8 minutes (we counted) watching my food go cold while we waited for the other plate to arrive. Finally I asked the waitress who went to the kitchen and immediately returned plate in hand. I asked her how long it had been sitting in the kitchen. She did not know.

So on with eating. The first thing I tried was a piece of broccoli. Overcooked, and very cool. The manager noticed my reaction and asked me what was wrong. I told her and she offered to replace my lunch but now we both had food I just wanted to eat.

The food was nothing to write home about. The pork was okay, the vegetables overcooked. The roast potatoes were nice. My wife’s spaghetti was exactly what you would get in a Dai Pai Dong under the “Western” heading on the menu. Her vegetables were overcooked, and the fish was bland, had little textture, and the coating was soggy.

Halfway through, the manager suddenly appeared with another portion of the pork. I said it was not necessary, this was too much food, but she insisted on dumping it all on my plate while I was eating. She actually said “no need to diet today!” Seconds later another waitress appeared with another portion of vegetables, fresh out of the microwave, and put them on the table. I appreciate they were trying to correct the earlier mistake but dumping another set lunch on my plate against my objections was a bit much.

After we had finished, they bought a jar of toothpicks. This was the piece de resistance. I say this because no one could have missed the two large hairs that came with them. When I pointed this out to the waitress she just replied, “They’re not mine!”.

So, here is one thing I know. I will never eat here again. The restaurant attempts to look like it delivers fine dining. But as you study the Stanley Market  paintings on the wall, in cheap plastic frames, the Dai Pai Dong style service, and failing to live up to basics like bring the food for a table of two at the same time, you realise it is anything but.

Yes, it was a set lunch. But either you serve food with pride or you don’t and they don’t.

Oh, and the Now That’s What I Call Music CD playing the background was really annoying.

Verdict? Avoid.